


Discovery of Ourselves

by Sincestiel



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: AU, Blow Jobs, First Time, J2, M/M, Speech Disorders, spnkinkmeme fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-21
Updated: 2014-03-21
Packaged: 2018-01-16 10:51:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1344769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sincestiel/pseuds/Sincestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>According to watercooler gossip, Jared could be anything from a deaf/mute to a CIA plant charged with the task of collecting intel on various employees.  Jensen just wants to know the guy's last name.  Maybe his phone number.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Discovery of Ourselves

**Author's Note:**

> [Link to original prompt and posting.](http://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/83709.html?thread=30935293#t30935293)

**_'Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.'_ \- Alexander Smith**

"You don't talk much, do you?" Jensen asks, extraordinarily excited over his unusual good luck. He's been trying to get the ever quiet and incredibly handsome Jared alone since he started working at Alfred & Sons Accounting a few weeks back. And today they're at the copier. Alone. Together. Finally.

Jared blushes and shakes his head, eyes focused on his task. Jensen frowns. So, okay, he doesn't know if Jared's into guys. But Jensen's not even really hitting on him. He's just trying to make conversation. Just trying to test the waters. And just maybe he wants to be the first of his coworkers to get the overly shy man to open up a bit.

According to watercooler gossip, Jared could be anything from a deaf/mute (which Jensen thinks is ridiculous because obviously the man can hear at least) to a CIA plant charged with the task of collecting intel on various employees (which is also stupid because the most anyone here has to hide would be a few fudged numbers, and that's not cause for a full out CIA investigation). But Jensen just wants to know the guy's last name. Maybe his phone number. But in order for a phone conversation to even be a possibility, he has to get the guy to speak.

Okay. No yes or no questions. Something friendly that requires a verbal response.

"So… which one are you go-fering for today?"

There. Now the guy will at least have to say a name, if nothing else. But, he doesn't. Instead he holds up the folder he's got in his left hand. Sanders. Couldn't he have just said it? Would have been easier.

"Dude, seriously. I came in here to talk to you, not a manila folder. Let's try it again, shall we? I'm Jensen, and you are…?"

Jensen knows his name, of course. Everyone here does. Apparently not talking gains you infamy in a place like this. But if it'll make him talk…

Jared takes a deep breath, as if the simple act of opening his mouth is a trial of great strength, and says, very slowly, "I'm Jared. It's n-nice to m-meet you, J-Jensen."

He still doesn't look up and his blush has deepened drastically. But Jensen just grins. Score.

"And he speaks! So, listen, I was thinking, I'm new here and you're… well, you're kind of a loner, dude. So, you and me, lunch. What do ya say?"

Jared doesn't respond and he gets even redder. And Jensen sighs. Okay, so ignoring the obvious isn't going to help. Pointing it out might be a mistake, but it's all he's got really. So he goes for it.

"Man, I'm really not bothered by the stutter. Like, at all. If you can adjust to my tendency to lapse into SoCal surfer speak, I'm cool with you taking your time. Now. Lunch. And don't nod… or shake because I'm not taking no for an answer. So just say yes and I'll let you get on with your day. Until lunch anyway."

Finally, _finally_ , Jared looks up from the copier. And holy shit his eyes are even prettier than Jensen thought. They're kind of hazel with gold and green specks and he could get lost in them. And when Jared pulls himself up to his full height Jensen almost whimpers. The guy's got a few inches on him. And he's almost bursting out of the seams of his white button down. How the hell did he not realize that Jared is more than just handsome? He's a fucking god.

"Y-yes?"

For a second Jensen forgets what they were even talking about and he's sure his eyes have lingered entirely too long on Jared's pretty mouth. Blinking, Jensen makes himself meet the man's eyes again, and finding his train of thought, he says, "More certain. Come on, make a guy feel wanted, yeah?"

A smile tugs at the corners of Jared's lips and Jensen gives him his brightest one in return, trying to encourage Jared's to grow. It works and Jensen's mind goes just a little fuzzy at the edges. He's even more gorgeous like this. 

"Yes." And it comes out clear and sure and fucking beautiful. Jensen's determined it's going to be the first in a very long line of yeses to come.

***

Jensen is nothing if not persistent. He spends two weeks after their initial conversation in the copy room and subsequent quiet and awkward lunch following Jared around. Everywhere Jared goes, there he is, smiling that warm toothy grin and trying to coax Jared into talking. It's annoying.

Jared has built his life around not talking to people. Hell, he doesn't even own a phone. Hasn't talked to his parents in years ( _Aw, honey, still can't string two words together properly. You should see someone about that_ ). He doesn't have friends because that would require communication of some sort and that never ends well for him ( _Spit it out already, P-Pa-Pad-Padalecki_ ). But somehow in the past fourteen days he's said more to Jensen that he has to anyone else since grade school.

It's _very_ annoying.

And every time they talk, which mostly consists of Jensen carrying the conversation and Jared forcing out a short sentence here or there when prompted, Jensen is so… understanding. He gives Jared time to formulate and articulate a thought. He doesn't bat an eye when Jared can't find the right word or can't get it out. And he doesn't try to fill in the blanks. He just waits, with those pretty green eyes focused on   
Jared like the next thing to come out of his mouth might be revolutionary rather than a stammering, stumbling mess (which it always is).

It's so annoying that Jared wants to strangle him. And then kiss him all better.

And maybe that's the most annoying part. Because Jared hasn't let himself hope for even friendship from another person in so very long. He has his dogs for that. And he hasn't even dreamed he might stand a chance at having a relationship. He has his right hand for that. And if he sometimes wishes there was someone around to just hug him? Well, he exercises. Hard and long until the urge is gone completely.

But Jensen makes him hope. Makes him dream. Makes him _want_. And that is not good. It only leads to heartache.

And the man is probably just trying to find out if he really is some CIA operative or something. Yeah, Jared's heard all the rumors. And Jensen's new. He's curious. That's all.

"Hey, Jay!"

And that's another thing. Jensen calls him 'Jay.' No one's ever bothered with giving him a nickname. Or not a relatively nice one anyway ( _St-St-Stuttering Sam!_ ). But Jensen just… _did_. ( _Do you mind if I call you 'Jay'? You just look like a 'Jay.'_ ). And there might be a little part of Jared that warms when he hears it. Not good at all.

Jared sighs and stops. Almost to his car today. That's a new record. Maybe if he leaves a minute earlier tomorrow he'll make it all the way.

"I'm ordering in pizza tonight. Thought I might catch the game and have a few beers. Wanna join me?"

No. Jared does _not_ want to join him. He has like six hundred sit ups to do tonight. Or something. Anything but subject himself to more of Jensen's charm.

He opens his mouth to say just that, but when he turns to look at the man, he just looks so hopeful. All wide eyed and earnest and practically begging with a pout of his lips. There is not a person on this earth who could say no to that. Jared's sure of it. So he just nods and tries not to blush too hard when Jensen's grin grows exponentially.

_Monday_ , he thinks. Monday he'll start hunting for a new job. It's probably the only way he's going to avoid this man who's decided to insinuate himself into Jared's life. And Jared desperately needs to avoid him. He can already feel his heart breaking and Jensen hasn't yet uttered his first complaint about Jared's awkwardness or his shyness or his stutter. It'll happen though. It always does. And Jared would like to be long gone before it can. He'd rather remember Jensen as 'that quirky guy who tried to get him to talk' than 'that cute guy who got tired of waiting for him to do something as simple as speak.'

***

Jensen is nervous. Really nervous. And that's not something that happens to him. Except it does now. A lot. It happens every time he sees Jared across a room. It happens every time he sits beside him at lunch. It happens every time Jared is anywhere near. And right now? Right now Jared is in his _living room_.

When did he become this guy? A guy who can't even ask for what he wants. A guy who's wringing his hands in his own kitchen while an extremely attractive man is sitting on his couch.

No more. Jared is here. Jensen wants him. That's that. And if he doesn't get what he wants it'll be because Jared says no. Not because Jensen's too chickenshit to make a move.

When he sits down beside Jared, juggling two beers and a box of pizza, he sits close enough to feel the warmth radiating off Jared's body. Jared flinches away very briefly. But when Jensen hands over his drink and a slice of pizza he relaxes and doesn't seem too put off by their closeness. Jensen considers it a small victory.

The game isn't even half over when they've eaten all they can and drained a couple beers apiece. Jared hasn't moved away. Jensen thinks about going for the classic 'stretch-and-yawn-arm-over-the-shoulders' move. He gets halfway to raising his arms before he abandons the idea. He's not some middle schooler on his first date. He's an adult, damn it. So he picks up the remote, hits mute, and turns to face Jared.

"Go out with me tomorrow night. A movie and dinner."

And if Jared doesn't realize that Jensen's asking him out on a legitimate date Jensen might just bang his head against the nearest solid surface. And oh, look at that, it just happens to be Jared's chest. Because Jesus Christ is that solid. And wide. And can he just touch now? Please?

Jared's brow furrows and he bites his bottom lip. It means he wants to say something but he's working out the best way to word it. And it's probably one of the cutest and most endearing things Jensen's ever had the pleasure of witnessing in his life. He doesn't smile though. Instead, he keeps his face neutral and waits.

He's learned over the last few weeks that Jared doesn't take well to feeling like he's being patronized or coddled. And when he's struggling to speak he gets frustrated. So any prodding on Jensen's part, even something friendly like a smile, gets him flustered and makes him shut down. The last thing Jensen ever wants is for Jared to turn off. It's truly heart-wrenching to see the light go out of his eyes and his mouth clamp shut. Jensen never wants to be the cause of that.

"L-like… a d-date? O-or j-just…?"

He's anxious. He always stammers more when that's the case. Jensen thinks that might be a good sign. Especially since he's not jumping away at the thought of Jensen asking him out. If his anxiety was born of him being upset at the idea of dating another man he'd probably have already jerked away. Jensen's been through that enough to know.

"Yeah. A date. We've been hanging out for a couple weeks now. And I like you, okay? So let me take you out."

Jared's face is so red, heat spreading all the way down his neck and under the collar of his shirt. He's looking at Jensen like he's just lost his mind, but he doesn't seem appalled or even overly concerned at the proposition itself (because that would usually mean a punch to the jaw or at the very least a disturbed recoil). So that leaves Jensen perplexed.

"Y-you w-want to d-date m-me?" The disbelief is clear in his voice and Jensen's confusion amplifies. Why wouldn't he? Jared's sweet and fucking hot and likely the cutest thing Jensen's ever seen. 

But then he gets it when Jared shakes his head and goes to stand. The stutter. The way he avoids people and conversation. The way he pulls his shoulders in, makes himself smaller and less noticeable (if that's even possible). And god does Jensen understand. Maybe not exactly what Jared's gone through, but close enough.

Jensen's been 'out' since he was old enough to know that boys did things for him that girls didn't. He's just never even considered hiding that. But he's taken his fair share of taunting ( _beatings_ ) for it. He knows what fear looks like because he's seen it in the mirror often enough. And just why he's not noticed it in Jared before he doesn't know.

***

And that's it. Jared can be friends. He can sit here and eat his dinner and watch a game. He can handle Jensen's sweet little smiles and his patience and his small touches. He can do all that and maybe hold on to his sanity. But he cannot let Jensen make him think he actually stands a chance.

He doesn't know if Jensen is just messing with him ( _Awww, look! St-St-Stuttering Sam actually thinks Clara_ likes _him_ ) or if he just hasn't gotten bored yet, but either way, Jared's not sticking around to find out. He's up and off the couch and halfway to the door before Jensen's voice stops him.

"What did they call you? I was gayboy. Not very creative. But truthful enough I guess."

Jared stops dead in his tracks. Jensen's flat voice sends a chill down his spine. He sounds exactly like Jared's always felt. Don't let it hurt. Don't let it hurt. Do _not_ fucking let it hurt. But it hurts. Even now years and miles away from the people who taunted him, it still hurts. And no matter how hard he tries, no matter how many walls he puts up, he aches. And every time someone looks at him with pity or disgust in their eyes, like he's slow or stupid or whatever, it's like a knife in his gut. But Jensen doesn't look at him like that. Never has. And that's what makes him answer.

"Stuttering Sam."

He gets the words out without a hitch. But any pride he might have felt at that is buried under the pain.

And there's the door. Right in front of him. He should just leave before he gives Jensen any more than he has to offer. Because he doesn't have much and Jensen's a man who deserves someone who can follow through. But he stays where he is. Waits. For what he doesn't know.

Finally, Jensen snorts. It's derisive and cold and Jared winces until Jensen speaks.

"Kids, man. But hey, points for alliteration, right? Gotta give credit where it's due I suppose."

It takes a minute for the laugh to work its way out of Jared's throat and when it does it's broken. But only slightly. And as soon as the sound is out of his mouth, there are tentative arms sliding around his waist. No pressure, just soft encouragement and perhaps a bit of kinship.

"It doesn't matter, Jay. Whatever they thought we were… well, they were wrong. Okay, maybe not about the gay thing because they hit that nail on the head. But it's not all we are. And if we let it stop us, the old pains and the heartache, they win. And I got tired of letting them win a long time ago."

Jensen's face is pressed into his back now, right between his shoulder blades and when Jared takes a deep breath, Jensen moves with him, still holding tight. Like he has no intention of letting go. And Jared doesn't want him to.

Slowly, like Jensen might just melt away at the first touch, Jared lets his hands fall over the other man's where they rest over his lower stomach. It's the first time he's willingly reached out to another person in a long time. And Jensen just lets him. Turns his hands so their palms are touching. And when Jensen threads their fingers together Jared's breath hitches. Jensen just holds on tighter.

"If you want to say no because you're not interested, that's fine. I'll accept that. But if it's because you're scared, then I can't be okay with that. You can be scared, Jared. But you can't let it stop you. Please don't let it stop you. I can't promise I'll never hurt you. But I'll do my very best not to. And it's too early to be sure, but I think we could have something really great. So take a leap with me, okay? Just a little one. Just dinner and a movie and if it all goes to shit we can come right back here, to me chasing you around the office for just a chance to get a glimpse of you and you avoiding me like the plague. And me coercing you into sports and beer. Friends. Even if the 'more' part doesn't work out, we can still be friends, Jay. Promise."

***

Six months.

It's been one hundred and eighty-seven days since Jensen asked Jared out and got his yes. And yeah, Jensen's counting. And if that makes him a sap, so be it. Jared deserves someone who can get a little sappy over him.

Jensen does. Often. And sometimes Jared doesn't believe him ( _There's n-no way you f-find my st-stutter attractive._ ). But sometimes he does ( _These j-jeans r-really make m-my ass l-look that g-good?_ ). And those times are worth all the times Jared rolls his eyes and shakes his head. Because when Jared believes him, really believes him, he blushes the prettiest pink. And pink just might be Jensen's new favorite color.

But still. Six months and the most Jensen's been able to wrangle out of Jared is a kiss or two and a little groping here or there. And Jensen's not complaining because Jared kisses are the best kisses and the groping is awesome. But he's happy and in love (and maybe he hasn't told Jared that part yet) and he wants to show Jared just how much.

God help him, but he can be a horny bastard at times and Jared – with his fitted jeans and his fucking rippling muscles and his perfect jawline and his dazzling smile and his long legs and the list just goes on and on – isn't helping in that department.

Jensen knows, of course, that Jared's a virgin. The guy's never even had a blowjob. It pisses him off that no one's ever taken the time to find out just how amazing Jared is. But at the same time it thrills him to know that he'll be Jared's first (his only). If Jared can ever relax enough to let it happen.

But every time Jensen thinks they're making progress, Jared pulls away. Jensen can wait as long as he needs to. He really can. And he will. But he's pretty sure his right arm is bulking up faster than his left (he's started lifting weights with Jared). And he's also pretty sure that Jared wants him too. So he decides it's time to really take action. If nothing else maybe he can get Jared to let him suck him off.

With that goal in mind, he corners Jared in the copy room on a Friday afternoon. He locks the door, draws the blinds and drops to his knees in front of the taller man just as he utters a confused, "Wh-what…?"

"Lean back against the wall and try not to make too much noise."

He'd stop. Really he would. If Jared asked him to. But Jared's not doing that. And maybe it's shock – which was kind of the point of catching him here – but Jensen takes his silence as consent and has Jared's fly open in record time.

He's not hard, but Jensen blows softly over the mushroom shaped head of his cock and feels a slight thickening. Jared shakes as Jensen fists his soft length, pulling the spongy top half into his mouth but he still doesn't say no. So Jensen works to bring him to full hardness as fast as he can. Someone's bound to get suspicious very soon. And Jensen doesn't want them interrupted until he's brought Jared off.

He lets his hands run up Jared's body, rucking his shirt up, as Jared swells on his tongue. Fuck but his stomach is flat and hard and ribbed and Jensen would love to just spend hours nibbling away at the tanned skin. But not now. Right now he's on a mission. He wants Jared to come for him. Wants to show him how good it is. Wants Jared to burn for him the same way he burns for Jared.

And going on the look in Jared's eyes, wild and needy and maybe a little scared, it's working. Jensen pushes down more, takes as much of Jared as he can into his mouth, sucks, licks, pulls out every trick he has and soon Jared's hips are hitching. Barely. And Jensen would tell him he can go harder, but his mouth is full and he kind of likes watching Jared – tall, strong, controlled Jared – struggle to keep himself in check.

A hand lands on the back of Jensen's head, just grasping at the short hairs, and Jensen reluctantly lets go of Jared's hip to put his over it. He guides Jared to push him forward, use him. He didn't really want it to be like this the first time. Wanted to go slow and not scare him away. But Jared's not running and Jensen can't wait any longer and his mouth is being filled so perfectly as he reaches down to rub himself through his pants.

***

Jared cannot believe he just got his first blowjob at work. In the copy room. But he met his first boyfriend here, so it's fitting he guesses. Plus he's really not complaining because that was amazing. And he should really pull himself together and help Jensen out too. But he's not sure what to do and his cock is still hanging out. And then there's someone banging on the door.

Jensen tucks him back in quickly, adjusts himself in his jeans, and then leans in to peck Jared's lips.

"Stay with me tonight."

It's not a question and Jensen's gone before Jared could answer anyway, muttering something about the door being jammed to the harried looking girl holding a stack of papers and trying to push into the room.

Jared doesn't think he would have said no anyway. He's been walking a fine line these past few months. Not wanting to just jump into bed with Jensen on the off chance that's all he wants. And then not wanting to seem too eager. And then getting a little nervous about sex with a guy. And it all just kind of mushed together for him and left him unable to act on any of the desires he's had.

But he's not going to do that anymore. Jensen's stuck around for this long without anything more than a kiss and a little rubbing, so obviously he's in it for more than sex. Now Jensen knows he wants it; he came entirely too fast to deny that. And he thinks Jensen probably has them covered experience wise. Or at least he thinks so because he's never had a blowjob before but it seemed like he knew what he was doing.

So yeah. He's spending the night with Jensen. And instead of feeling nervous, like he might have a few months ago, he's just excited. Something he's been experiencing a lot more lately. Excitement. Happiness. Laughter. Talking without thinking (he actually even had a conversation with one of his coworkers a couple days ago, and she didn't seem too put off by his stutter). Apparently confidence is the key. Which is something Jensen's been helping him with, probably without even realizing it. When Jensen just lets him talk, doesn't push or harass (because he wouldn't dare), it helps Jared feel better able to communicate. He gets through almost full sentences now without missing a beat. Not fast. He doesn't think he'll ever be able to talk very fast without tying his tongue in knots. But it's not as noticeable now. And that's all thanks to Jensen's patience with and interest in what Jared has to say.

Oh, he still stammers around sometimes. Puts the wrong word in a sentence here or there. But he's making progress. He even bought a phone. He still hasn't used it to call his parents. Or anyone but Jensen. But he thinks he'll get there. Eventually. Maybe whenever he decides to share Jensen with his family. Jensen. His boyfriend. With whom he's going to spend the night. Tonight.

And still, no fear. Just joy and an over-eagerness for the day to be finished already.

Maybe he should move along now. The girl working the copier is looking at him funny. Probably because he's still standing against the wall with his tie crooked and his shirt wrinkled. She probably knows what was going on in here before Jensen let her in.

He sighs and steps away from the wall, giving her a small smile as he gathers up his papers from the little tray and leaves the room. They'll be more rumors to contend with soon. But he's not sure he really minds.

Let them talk. Let them say he and Jensen are in cahoots, plotting world domination or just devising a plan to christen every room in the office building. Whatever. Jared doesn't care. He's spending the night with his boyfriend tonight and that's more important.

***

Jared is beautiful like this, all spread out on Jensen's bed, panting and sweating and grabbing at any part of Jensen he can reach. His fingers dig in, hold Jensen close, like he's scared Jensen's going to get up and leave. And that is definitely not going to happen. So Jensen lets himself be held, tries to soothe with soft kisses and little nips to Jared's jaw.

It seems to help. Jared loosens his hold a bit, but he's arching up more now, pressing his hard cock into Jensen's stomach, begging with his body because he probably can't get the words out right now. Which is fine by Jensen. He's fluent in Jared's body language now. And though they've never been _here_ before, that doesn't really matter. Jared's still letting him know what he wants, what he needs. And Jensen plans to give it all to him.

"Legs up and out, baby. Gotta let me in. Gonna get you opened up, okay?"

They didn't really discuss this before they got started. But Jensen thinks it'll be easier this way the first time. Jared can just lie back and let Jensen take care of them. And Jensen knows he can be easy enough to get Jared through this without it hurting too much. And maybe he just really wants to fuck Jared. But Jared voices no arguments as he spread his legs so Jensen thinks maybe he got it right.

He's worried though; Jensen can see it in his eyes. So he's extraordinarily careful when he presses against Jared's opening with a lubed finger. And he takes Jared's mouth in a deep, slow kiss as he pushes just the tip in.

He would like to go a little slower. But there's always next time and they're both too worked up for that anyway, months' worth of tension making them too eager to take their time.

Jensen doesn't let himself hurry too much though. He needs to make sure Jared's open and slick enough to take him. But by the time he's got his first finger buried to the last knuckle, and fuck Jared is tight, Jared's already writhing for him. He's pressing his hard cock up into thin air and shaking with need. When he starts to beg, there's not a trace of his usual stutter.

"Please, Jensen. It's so good and I need… more, Jen, I need more."

Jared doesn't even seem aware that he's getting all of his words out without hesitation or stumbling, and Jensen doesn't comment. He does drag a second finger through the lube around Jared's hole though. And when he pulls the first out and the pushes back in with two, Jared makes a choked off gurgling sound and his eyes go wide.

"H-hurts a l-little."

The stammer is back which means Jared's nervous again. Jensen knows that's totally normal. He was a quaking mess his first time, but still. Jared trusts him and Jensen can't let his own needs get in the way of that.

"Do you wanna stop?" His voice is rough and he knows Jared can tell just how much he doesn't want this to end.

"N-no, just g-go slow?"

Jensen nods and leans back, awkwardly coating his other palm in lube and using that hand to try and work Jared's flagging erection back to full hardness as his fingers sink deeper into Jared's body.

It's a long process and not at all what Jensen expected. Jared's hole stays so tight and his breath keeps halting at every thrust, and not in a good way. And finally, despite his reluctance to change the angle for fear of hurting Jared more, Jensen crooks his fingers and finds Jared's prostate in a last ditch effort to turn this around.

It works.

***

"Oh god," Jared hears himself cry out, and his hips jolt up and then down of their own accord. He'd started to get a little worried. He could see Jensen getting closer to stopping and even though it hurt, that wasn't what Jared wanted.

He'd tried to will his cock back to life, force himself to take Jensen's fingers. He'd bit back most of the pained noises that tried to escape. He'd done everything he could think of to keep Jensen from pulling away.

But this… those insistent fingers seeking out that magical spot over and over again, and the look on Jensen's face, like Jared's just given him everything he's ever wanted out of life… Well, that's pretty fucking awesome. And now his cock is responding eagerly.

He feels his body lose some of its rigidity, feels himself start to open up, finally, around Jensen's fingers. And he wants more again. Thinks he could take Jensen's cock now. Wants to at any rate.

"Harder, god, deeper, Jen."

His tongue cooperates for the second time tonight and Jared swells with pride as he starts to let his hips do their thing, fucking himself down on Jensen's fingers and then up into his slick fist. And when Jensen's digits spread apart slightly, stretching him out even more, Jared just opens his legs wider, takes them as deep as he can. Because it's so good now. And he wants.

"Trying, babe. Gotta be careful though. Don’t wanna hurt you again. So just let me…"

There's a third finger now. Not entering him, but just tugging at his rim, trying to get him to loosen up a bit more. And Jared complies, relaxes entirely as Jensen's fingers breach him over and over again. The realization that he's going to come, and soon, if Jensen doesn't get on with it, hits him just as Jensen's hands retreat, leaving him empty and surging up into thin air.

"What…?"

"Just gotta…"

Oh. Jensen's rolling on a condom, slicking himself with lube. He's going to. They're going to. Jared thinks he should probably freak out about now. He's never let himself get this close to someone. Always been too scared of not being enough or of being left come morning. But Jensen wants him. He knows Jared and still wants him. And Jensen won't leave him. Invited Jared to his place instead of the other way around.

So he doesn't freak out. Instead, in a bold move that makes Jensen groan, Jared reaches down between them and grips Jensen's cock at the base, guiding the hard length to his body. He positions the head at his entrance and meets Jensen's eyes just as Jensen rocks forward a little bit, just the tip spreading Jared apart and holding him like that, open and ready but not full like he needs.

"Come on," Jared encourages, tries to buck his own hips up just to end up held in place by Jensen's hands at his thighs, stalling any further movement.

"I want you to know," Jensen says, low and breathless, "that I love you. I just wanted to tell you before it slips out mid-fuck because it will and I don't want you thinking it has anything to do with the sex. I love you because…"

Thankfully, Jared's words hardly fail him at all, "I love you t-too. But can we save the in d-depth confessions for later? I'd r-really just like you to fuck me now."

The shocked look that takes over Jensen's face would be funny. And Jared might still laugh. At some point. When he's not desperate to have Jensen buried all the way in him.

Jensen's surprise allows Jared a small moment of freedom, and he uses it to shove himself up toward Jensen, quickly encasing all of his cock in Jared's body. A slight burn causes Jared to gasp, but then Jensen moves, tilts his hips and there's glorious pressure just where Jared needs it.

The groan that slips out of him is echoed by Jensen.

***

Jensen can't believe how quickly Jared adjusts to him, how easily he falls into rhythm with Jensen's thrusts. But he's not surprised by how amazing Jared looks impaled by his cock, thin ring of muscle clinging to him as he pulls out, opening up so prettily for him when he presses back in. The way his stomach muscles expand and contract with every movement. How amazing his long legs look bent to wrap around Jensen's waist.

And he must get too caught up in the sights before him, because he's startled when Jared reaches up and hooks a hand behind his neck, bringing his focus to Jared's face. And wow. Even more beautiful than the melding of their bodies is the look of pure adoration, joy, and wonder on Jared's face.

The next thing Jensen knows, he's leaning over Jared, bringing their mouths together and carding gently through his hair. His hips continue to move, but not desperately. Slow and easy, tender, carefully working them higher and higher, pulling small whimpers and pleas from Jared's lips which are muffled against Jensen's mouth.

They're both so sweaty already, bodies sliding effortlessly together, hands clawing to find traction, groans reverberating around the room. And Jensen's mouth, sighing praise and need and love into Jared's.

"Good, god you're so good, Jay. Couldn't wait any longer. Love you so much."

Jared shivers harder and harder with every word that Jensen utters, clings tighter, gasps louder. And Jensen can't get enough of him. Jared's neck is salty and damp, but Jensen mouths at it relentlessly, soaking in a taste that only registers as 'Jared' to his foggy mind.

It's a slow burn, just like it's been for them since the beginning. But the uncertainty is gone. And in its place is a deep trust. A bond. Something Jensen can't really put his finger on. But he knows they are a part of each other. Two bodies and one soul. But more whole than he's ever felt before.

And when Jared comes, it's with a soft sigh and a full body shudder that makes Jensen piston harder, faster, anxious to catch up. He slips through the come and sweat mix between their bodies one, twice, three times more before he's falling over the edge, releasing deep into Jared's body with a whisper of Jared's name. 

Jensen usually feels hazy after a really good orgasm. His muddled, sleepy brain trying to shut down directly after the act. But that's not how it works for him this time.

The world is more crisp, clearer than it's ever been for him. Everything in sharp focus. High definition. And when he pulls back, kneels between Jared's legs to give him room to breathe, he feels like he's seeing this man for the first time. Beautiful. Ethereal. Heaven sent. Just for him. And he's never letting go.

***

"That was amazing." Jared blushes as he says it, but he smiles softly to let Jensen know that he's being serious. And honestly, he had no idea it could be that good. He'd always thought jerking off had to be better because there was no insecurity in it. No one watching and cataloguing. No one scrutinizing. But he didn't feel exposed with Jensen. Just loved. Adored.

Jensen smiles softly, reaches out to gently brush Jared's hair off his damp forehead. And that, a small gesture, most certainly not something that should affect him after what they've just done, causes him to blush even deeper. The look in Jensen's eyes is so intense that Jared feels flayed open, raw, all of his internal scars on display for Jensen's viewing pleasure. But, for the first time ever, he looks into another person's eyes and doesn't find himself lacking. Jensen's looking at him like he's something precious, cherished.

"You're beautiful, Jay. Fucking amazing. Being with you is like… finding a piece of me I didn't know was missing. That's why I love you."

Jared rolls his eyes, but inside he's bubbling with happiness. The look Jensen gives him says he understands.

"Okay, enough mushiness. Let's get cleaned up," Jensen lifts up, but Jared catches his arm before he can stand.

"I'm g-glad it d-didn't happen until n-now. I'm glad it w-was you."

It's simple. Not nearly as much as he wants to say, but the words will come to him. And he knows Jensen will be patient until they do. Until Jared can find the perfect way to tell him just how much he loves him. How much Jensen means to him.

Jensen leans in, steals one small kiss, and then stands. "Me too."

And in the morning, Jared will wake up with Jensen in his arms. They'll make love slowly, languidly. They'll stay in bed, wrapped up in each other until their rumbling stomachs drive them toward the kitchen. And in two weeks' time, two years' time, for the rest of their lives, that's where they'll be. Wrapped in each other's arms, standing strong and happy through all life's trials and tribulations, comforted by the fact that even if the whole world goes to shit, they have each other.


End file.
